I fell for this guy. He was amazing...at first. He was attentive, really into me, and I fell for all the words. I feel so stupid now. Over the past 7 months he'd go hot and cold, but about 3 months ago, I was always the one reaching out first. I should have known. And on his social media, there were signs that he was into someone else. He kept telling me she was just a friend. But just a friend doesn't post about hearts and love. She was the one he took to his reunion. She was the one he took to church. She was there for everything, and I was the girl he saw once in a while. He wouldn't let me in. He wouldn't take me out in public. I knew the signs were there, but when I'd pray, God would just tell me to be patient with him. I was so patient.
So this week I went to try out a new church, and there they were...together. I was probably the worst person ever, staring at him. Trying to figure out if I should talk to him. I was kind of creepy. But I couldn't do it. They weren't lovey-dovey, but it was clear she was an important part of his life, and I wasn't. Then the next day he finally came clean. He wants to focus on her. Make it work with her. All the things he told me at first, but this time, I know he's being real--about her. He blamed it on fear, and he thinks that God keeps bringing her into his life for a reason, so he wants to try.
My heart is totally broken, and I'm struggling with God. I don't open up easily, and I really felt God's hand here. My trust is so broken. I will get over the guy. I know that. Those types of wounds have healed before. But I'm struggling with my trust in God. Why would He do this, knowing my history of never being a first choice? Knowing I'm the girl a guy dates before he marries the next one (think of Good Luck Chuck, but I'm a girl). Knowing that it was so hard to make myself vulnerable again!
So I'm asking for prayers of healing. I'm asking for prayers to rebuild my trust in God.
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