I don't know when it was decided that we should fear caring for others, but there seems to be this pervasive attitude today where we shouldn't care about anything at all--that we should all act so nonchalant about everything.
This attitude stinks, as far as I'm concerned, and I'm as guilty of it as the next person, but not any more. I think something happened when I turned 40. "It's no big deal" became "I LOVE THAT! LET'S LOVE THE THING."
Except in relationships. It may leave me open to a bunch of psychoanalysis, but I know I'm not alone here. I can profess my love for Jesus, Star Wars, the Chicago Bears, multitudes of books, my dogs, my cats, and even my family ad nauseam. I can drive everyone crazy sometimes with my love of those things.
So why is it so hard to open my heart to men I'm interested in? Why do we have to play this game of seeming calm and cool and aloof? It drives me crazy. Love can hurt. For sure I'm not alone in my fear of getting hurt, right? When we first meet another person, it's difficult, because we just don't know where we stand with them. And too often we're told how to play the game rather than how to be vulnerable. There are more books written on how to get the guy, how to play the dating game, and how to manipulate people than on how to just open our hearts and be vulnerable.
And I insist it all stems from the fear that the other person just doesn't care as much as we do.
But so what?
The thing is, I don't ever regret when I've made myself vulnerable. I fear it like no one's business, but even if I get hurt, eventually I get over it and learn from it. As someone who keeps a small group of close friends and is ridiculously introverted, letting someone in is an accomplishment alone.
In talking with my friends who are in healthy, committed relationships, many of them started with one person being far more sure about wanting the other person. The other was hesitant and needed time to figure things out. However, if the one person never made themselves vulnerable and open to heartbreak, the relationship never would've happened. How sad would that have been?
This isn't to say we shouldn't be discerning. We absolutely should. We shouldn't allow ourselves to be abused or seriously harmed because we struggle with vulnerability. We still need to be careful about who we open ourselves up to, but maybe we can focus more on being open and vulnerable than playing a game. Maybe we need to be honest with people that we like them, be truthful about what we want. We can'f force someone to love us, but we can show them love.
And the thing is, we never know what will come out of our honesty. Maybe we get the love of our lives. Awesome! Yay for us!! But maybe we also get our hearts broken. Sad, but we can pick ourselves up knowing we gave it our best and move on (of course with tears in between. Endings are sad sometimes) to someone who will love us the way we should be loved.
I challenge us all to be more vulnerable with our hearts. God is and has been the most vulnerable with His--after all, He sacrificed His only son on a cross for our sins. If I walk the walk and strive to be more like Him, then maybe I can open my heart just a little more. Maybe I can show my friends and family more affection. Maybe I can extend a helping hand to someone in need. Maybe I can be nicer to the slower drivers when I'm on my way to work (I'm trying God...really!!).
Most of all, though, maybe I can make myself a little more open in my dating life to being honest and heartfelt rather than holding my feelings back. Maybe I should say when I really like someone before it's too late. And maybe I should open myself up more to God's messages on my heart about the men I date. It's a lot of maybes, true, because it's all on a learning curve. We can all try a little more each day.
But let's all commit to letting go a little of this fear of rejection. It's just holding us back from what God wants from us. We can be stronger, because we have Him. He is our rock. He is our salvation. He is who we know we can rely on when we're in tears. He loves us unconditionally, so the lack of love from someone not open to loving us may sting, but we can immerse ourselves in His love.
The Christian Single Ladies Blog is where we'll bring up some interesting topics facing single women of faith today.
Support CSL ministry
Christian Single Ladies started as a blog, but it is growing as a movement. Join us as we continue bringing God's word to Christian single women around the world. Even $1 a month helps! Click on the link below and head over to our Patreon page to become a patron of the Christian Single Ladies Ministry!
check out the csl shop!
Show off just how single, saved and sassy you are with some of our CSL gear at the Christian Single Ladies shop on Zazzle! Click on the link below to find some great tees, mugs, phone cases and more. We'll be adding new things periodically, so don't miss out!